Pennsylvania History, Written by a Bot

The true robotic author of this piece, observing William Penn sign a treaty with Indigenous Lenni Lenape, 1683.

If you follow me on twitter, you know that every morning I post a historical event that happened on that day in Pennsylvania history. I ran my master Pennsylvania history calendar (with over a thousand entries) through a bot script program. Once the bot had “learned” about Pennsylvania history from that data, I had it write its own made up “on this day in Pennsylvania history” events.

Here are 22 of my favorite responses the bot came up with. I cleaned up the grammar and a few awkward phrases, everything is straight from the…mouth (?) of the bot. Enjoy!

“A State of One Beaver, ” Philadelphia’s worst opera of the world is released. April 15, 1840.

3 Delaware chiefs and their wives encounter a cat near Titusville. July 12, 1683.

Miners carrying balloons for their town dump the first successful congressman in a field between Carbondale and Honesdale. January 11, 1805.

Lilly County is awarded $ 100,000 and several free guards for their new castle that they illegally built out of coal. January 19, 2013.

Echoes of the six wheeled cars hidden under Sir William Bigler’s movie palace turns the world against the Philadelphia native. July 20, 1992.

Lethal teamster poems destroy a local fisherman in Western Pennsylvania. March 29, 1984.

Levittown implements a “living legislature commission” who purchases the first issue of all southern religious newspapers. January 12, 1797.

Schmidt Johnson signs the Wilderness Stone act that entitles women oil rights for thirty years in lands lying near Washington Town (Chester County). July 23, 1776.

A borough in Northumberland County about half a train wreck from Williamsport opens its doors to native kids and they try to have a massive fire and parade. March 5, 1863.

Moon literature is published near Fort McIntosh and mystery writer Gertrude Arizona copies it to honor their new standard. December 21, 1706.

Radical whiskey law passes the Pennsylvania Board of Feminists, despite efforts of Pittsburgh lgbtq residents. August 28, 1958.

A posse of sculptors from Virginia comes into Philadelphia and occupies the sheriff’s train. He is unsuccessful in attracting pirates to his hometown to help him so he moves to the archives. October 16, 1950.

28 different lamps are installed in what may be the biggest streetcar ever. Pennsylvania sheep living nearby use them to vote for the first time. November 27, 1927.

Edward Fork of McKeesport demands decent temperature “for his wife and Spiderman.” He is unsuccessful. August 20, 1724.

Pennsylvania Colony founder Crooked William repulses the first shipment of birthday party shovels. He is alleged to have been cursed by the commodore for his actions and was frustrated. March 2, 1772.

Harrison Volkswagen, a vicious Quaker from the sea between Maryland and Pennsylvania, becomes president and burns bookstores in Harrisburg. April 27, 1868.

In a precursor to the Pennsylvania Railroad Crisis of 1719, 239 Amish riders cross the Schuylkill River in a large tornado and change their name to “The Intellectuals.” November 14, 1706.

County courthouses in Allegheny, York, Luzerne, and other counties enter a national championship to win women ‘s basketball. They all damage the state’s notable oyster network but do rescue county members imprisoned in Washington. August 23, 1919.

Conrad Elvis rebuilds the first pretzel machine as the Mayor of Erie swears in Spanish to be free of circus players in an insane photograph taken during the day. January 26, 1876.

Studio executives secretly agree to protest fugitive slaves including Christopher and his wife Hannah from Lancaster. The American dog in the camp rescues them so its not a huge day. March 12, 1766.

Entomological trips to Pennsylvania end in resistance when Lenni Lenape farmers dressed as beavers deny them wages and kidnap their horses in Northern Dauphin County. January 22, 1904.

Celebration of Pennsylvania historical markers for promoting napalm further tinges steamboat commerce on the Ohio River near Pittsburgh. December 18, 1906.


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